The Power of Giving by Azim Jamal & Harvey McKinnon

Author:Azim Jamal & Harvey McKinnon [Jamal, Azim & McKinnon, Harvey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Divulgación, Autoayuda, Psicología
Publisher: ePubLibre
Published: 2008-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

Healing Relationships

If one of your important relationships with family, friends, or work colleagues is damaged, the resulting emotional turmoil can limit the energy you have for “giving” activities.

How many people do you know who are estranged from their children or their parents? Do you have friends or acquaintances who finally resolved their difficult relationships with a parent when that parent was dying? Wouldn’t it have been better to resolve the relationship when there was still time to enjoy life with that parent?

The suffering in loveless families extends way beyond the parent and child. It will include grandparents, grandchildren, and others who care about these wounded human beings. Unhealthy families lead to unhealthy communities and to an unhealthy world. We can start healing our world by first working on ourselves, developing our gifts of compassion, mindfulness, and commitment to positive action.

If you are estranged from a parent, relative, or friend, think of the joy that could be yours if you patched up your differences with that person. Think of the pain in your heart and in the heart of the estranged person that you could eliminate. Will you resolve to work on healing this pain? You may feel that the other party should take some responsibility, but someone has to take the first risk and maybe the second and third. It takes courage to show love, but it is worth the effort and risk.

One thing you can do for yourself and the other person is to give some thought to why the relationship is having problems. Fixing it is a gift you can give to yourself, your family (who suffer if you are having problems), and to the person whose relationship is damaged. Here are nine steps to healing a damaged relationship:

Make a commitment to improve it.

Visualize how it will be different.

Recognize that it may take time, and be persistent. You must take the initiative.

Recognize that you have to change first. You have to be open to the other person’s position and feelings and accept that you may have to change your perspective and feelings.

Don’t look for solutions, look for emotions. Solutions can come later. Don’t use accusatory language, such as “You did this.” Use “I feel” language. If you feel angry all the time, go back to our first step. Don’t deny that you have been hurt, sad, or angry. These are legitimate feelings. They are yours. You own them. You can keep them on display in your kitchen, you can store them in the attic, or you can just let them go. The choice is yours. When you name your feelings and share them with another, you have the power to finally let them go. However, counselor Carol Ann Fried has a warning about expressing feelings. She says that it’s not enough just to use the word “feel.” When you follow the word “feel” with the word “that,” it changes from a feeling into a thought. Her example, “I feel that this job is rotten,” means I think this job is rotten.

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